Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
