I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
