Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(336): View more from North Carolina

I just pynch a tree in the face

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(334): View more from Alabama

how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.

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(510): View more from California

come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.

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(+79): View more from

Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight

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(845): View more from New York

So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing

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(940): View more from Texas

I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.

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(310): View more from California

may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...

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(336): View more from North Carolina

I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.

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(619): View more from California

TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.

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