Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
