Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
