i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
