So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
