I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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