Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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