My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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