I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Randomize
