Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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