gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize