He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
