Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
