they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I booty called her while she was in labor.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
