i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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