She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
