We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize