Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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