let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
