Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
