I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize