nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
