everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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