Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
