dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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