I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
