Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
