Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I supernannyed him into submission
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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