i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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