just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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