Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
