Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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