I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
