I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
