went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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