all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
