whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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