can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize