I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
my being single is dangerous.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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