i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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