Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
