Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
