somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
well you can't waste a boner
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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