I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
