Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I touched a dick in church today
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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