Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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