I heard we made out
Umm I'm too high to move.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
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