did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
The uberlube is also flammable
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
