grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
