So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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