The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
