Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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