What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
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