Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
