I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
