Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
