So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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