ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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