I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
And then the night went full on bisexual.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Please don't give away my fajitas
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