i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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