Can i not drive my cunt home
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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