Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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