i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
