What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize