I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
