I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
