Moan for me like Helen Keller
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
