Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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